The pandemic has accelerated mental health crises among children.
The problem has ballooned to emergency proportions because of a shortage of child psychiatrists, a growing wave of suicidality, and the ongoing stress over covid-19, a group of experts says.
Four months ago as I write this, I was sitting in the back seat of my daughter’s car next to my then 19-month-old granddaughter strapped into her safety seat. Her mother was driving.
“Mama, where are we going?” she called out.
“To one of your favorite parks,” her mother answered, and named the park.
“Oh, I love that. Caya is very excited,” the granddaughter said. Her name is Caya. “Are you excited, Mama?”
“Definitely, I am excited. Especially since I am with you and Bapi,” her mother answered. I am Bapi, which distinguishes me from Papi.
Today, I called my daughter and Caya, now 23 months, and asked Caya how she was feeling,
“I am feeling very happy,” she said.
At other times when I call, she might answer, “I am feeling upset at the moment,” or “I am feeling sad,” and then briefly explain. One time, she was sad because their puppy had hurt itself.
Not two years old yet, she comments on just about everything she encounters, asks questions whenever she doesn’t know about something, can count to 100 and past, and has been able to recite the alphabet almost since she could talk shortly after her first birthday. Her pediatrician estimates she has a 15,000 word vocabulary. You can have a reasonable conversation with her. Most children her age have a 500-word vocabulary.
My main point here isn’t that my granddaughter was born precocious or emotionally aware. It is how she got to this place that has value to parents reading this. She learned her way to where she is because her parents tutored themselves in parenting best practices and brought some of their own natural inclinations for open discussion and sharing to talking to their children. In large part, they talked their daughter, my granddaughter, towards precociousness and emotionally awareness.
To understand how that happened, let’s start with some relevant brain science:
The human brain has 500 billion neurons. If all the brain fibers could be put in a line, they would go round the world twice. By the age of four or five a child’s brain is about 85% developed. This powerful brain absorbs information that the child’s “conscious” part of the brain isn’t aware of, recording everything from words spoken to moods and visuals to patterns of behavior modeled by parents and others.
There is a famous story in medical lore of an adult patient who suffered brain damage in an accident and lost part of his memory. One day after his accident, he sat down at a piano and played a full Mozart concert, even though he had never played a piano or taken a lesson in his life. But he was a Mozart aficionado and had listened to Mozart recordings relentlessly in his life. Some knowledge of Mozart remained in his brain, below the level of conscious knowledge, until the accident helped surface it.
So, it matters beyond measure what you feed your child’s brain, especially in these three areas: Information, Context and Emotional Awareness.
Here is what Caya’s parents do that you might consider in your parenting:
It can sound like this:
My daughter does with Caya what I did with my daughter. I was frequently narrating and explaining the outer world to them even in their infant stages–“This is an oak tree. Like other trees, it converts carbon into oxygen” –knowing it was being absorbed. Her mother, my wife, shared freely about the relational world between people and within themselves.
Now, my daughter organically just does the same, even more so than her parents did with her. It makes a difference.
So, talk. A lot. Do not assume it is wasted on a child. It builds information circuits and crucial encouragement for a child’s development and self-expression as it grows.
The EQuip Our Kids! Store has several games and toys that you can use to fuel talking with your child.
Interacting with your kids is sometimes challenging, but here are six reasons you shouldn’t yell at your children.
It’s helpful for parents to understand the meaning of mirror neurons and how to use them to the best advantage of your children.
From the web:
“A mirror neuron is a brain neuron that fires both when an animal acts and when the animal observes the same action performed by another. Thus, the neuron “mirrors” the behavior of the other, as though the observer were itself acting. Such neurons have been directly observed in primate species. (from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirror_neuron)
“Mirror neurons allow us to learn through imitation. They enable us to reflect body language, facial expressions, and emotions. Mirror neurons play an essential part in our social life. They are key for the child development, as well as relationships and education.” (from https://blog.cognifit.com/mirror-neurons/)
What this means for parents is that whatever you do–how you speak and what you say, your body language and your style–are being implanted in the memory stick of your child’s brain thanks to mirror neurons. There your example remains, for your child to replicate in many ways.
To raise children with the capacity of emotional intelligence is to model best practices for them in your life and particularly in your exchanges with them.
What is Emotional Intelligence? It is the ability to manage your feelings and behaviors and relationships in a caring, productive and responsive way.
Here are some basics.
All this can be hard work. Parenting is a tough but important job! Mirror neurons are one way to use biology in your favor. Learn more about the benefits of Emotional Intelligence your child will enjoy because of your hard work.
Angela Benedetto, Ph.D.
Hello Parent:
Assuming you want to prioritize your child’s optimal development, here is our “depth” guide for addressing the role of your school and making sure it provides the emotional intelligence and social skills that optimize her or his potential to be happy and to soar in school, career and life – and to develop healthy school and lifelong relationships.
(Image courtesy of PikRepo)
A recent article in Fast Company cites a report from the World Economic Forum that lists emotional intelligence, or EQ, as one of the 10 business skills for 2020.
Groups such as the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) and the Child Mind Institute acknowledge that the transition back to school can be emotionally fraught for your kid.
Your kids’ boredom can fuel their creativity. Here are tips to help them maximize their summer doldrums.
In honor of Father’s Day, we celebrate modern fathers and their active role in boosting kids’ emotional intelligence
Thrively is a learning platform parents and kids can use to help kids find their passion.
Subscribe to our weekly email to receive fresh tips about how to boost your child’s EQ life skills. It’s free, fun, and easy!
EQuip Our Kids! is a national nonprofit campaign raising awareness about EQ life skills, especially among parents and businesses. Our goal is comprehensive EQ life skills instruction in every preK -12 classroom in the US by 2030.
