boygirlholdhandsbeachjpg

Ways Parents Can Build Kid’s EQ

Incorporate Emotional Intelligence into family fun

Summer evokes a long-standing pastime for families to take a break from the school year and work. Picnics, amusement park rides, and getaway excursions usually top the list of things to do. But have you thought about including self-awareness into your list of family activities?

  • Want to watch engaging puppets act out their emotions?
  • Learn some catchy and educational dance steps?
  • Or show your artistic side in an online adventure game?

Families can interpersonally connect with each other when they engage their feelings and those of others.  Emotions matter, and practicing mindfulness, empathy, and self-awareness are the building blocks of emotional intelligence. So why not start instilling these characteristics in the formative years to become second nature in adulthood.   

Check out the following list of resources.  Most of the sites provide free access. 

Many are entertaining, such as the Sesame Street videos, while others are enlightening and informative. There’s something for everyone from pre-K to adults!

Store

​​Welcome to the Big EQ Shop! 

Our store has a variety of plush dolls, card games, and books free or paid for. 

Video games with emotional intelligence themes:

The Game | Online Activities For Mental Health

Go Noodle Games and Videos

Toolkits

Parents Online Resources EQuipOurKids and Family Online Resources EquipOurKids 

Includes links to free and paid EQ home games.

Social Skills for Parents TODAY 

Books and guides for Pre-K to Post High School ages. 

Social and Emotional Development Videos

Share Song Sesame Street 

Play Together

Difficult Tough Talks Sesame Street

Love My Hair Sesame Street (Engish/Spanish)

Name That Emotion with Murray!

Mindful Physical Activities

https://cosmickids.com/

Bring out your inner Zen with this yoga application. Try it out for two weeks free. 

Why Are Some People Mean? | Cosmic Kids Zen Den (Mindfulness for Kids)

How to Make Good Choices | Zen Den | Mindfulness for Kids

Zen Den | How to Deal with Nightmares | Mindfulness for Kids

Yoga Class: Following My Teacher | Sesame Street 

Song: Elmo’s Got the Moves | Sesame Street 

Song Dance – Elmo Slide Sesame Street

For Adults

EQ Tips, Exercises, and Videos  

The guide includes meditation audio to relieve mental stress.

When families engage their senses, they bring balance to their lives and improve relationships. Adding awareness activities shows parents and children a mental map on how they can empower their interactions through emotional intelligence-building games, physical activities, and more.

asian-hashtag

New study reveals surge in Anti-Asian hashtags

Hateful words continue to matter, whether they are hurled attacks in person or hashtags online. A recent study, published in the American Journal of Public Health, researched approximately 700,000 tweets and found that users that used the hashtag #chinesevirus were more likely to associate it with racist hashtags.

The increase of verbal and physical anti-Asian rhetoric has had an impact on social media, Twitter specifically.  Anti-Asian hashtags using the term “the China Virus” increased after former President Donald Trump tweeted it for two weeks in March 2020, according to a recent study. Such divisive language can encourage bias and misinformation.

Such speech also shows a lack of self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness, some of the critical tenets of Emotional Intelligence.  Hateful words can desensitize to a point where the accusers see people through their lenses as inhuman and not equal.  

According to Yuin Hswen, Professor of Epidemiology at University of California San Francisco, who contributed to the study, “These results may be a proxy of growth in anti-Asian sentiment that was not as prevalent as before. Using racial terms associated with a disease can result in the perpetuation of further stigmatization of racial groups.”

The researchers believe that the former president’s action may have influenced others to imitate his language on Twitter. The study also found that users who adopted the hashtag #covid19, based on the official name of the virus used by the World Health Organization, were less likely to post racists hashtags. 

Capitol Hill has been watching the increase of Anti-Asian attacks closely and is taking action. In April, the Senate passed the COVID-19 Hate Crimes Act to combat the violence against Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders (AAPI). The bill awaits the House of Representatives’ vote, which will most likely pass due to the Democrat majority. President Joe Biden supports the passage of the bill. 

The legislation puts accountability on and guides police departments that report hate crimes during the COVID-19 pandemic. If passed, it would increase education awareness to combat discriminatory language. Congress recognizes that actions and words matter.

The developments that led up to the Senate passage of the COVID-19 Hate Crimes Act are part of the Emotional Intelligence process. The violence and divisive language of Asian Hate offline and online was an outcry for help, and the bill is Capitol Hill’s response. 

Congress is self-aware that discrimination does exist nationwide and is acting on it. They made a conscious decision to draft and support legislation that will have positive consequences for the victims and communities. 

Managed awareness and managed action against hateful online and offline attacks are part of the Emotional Intelligence journey, which can be taught and learned through Social Emotional Learning.  Such skills benefit individuals, workplaces, and communities with long last effects. 

asian-violence

Applying Emotional Intelligence to Combat Rise of Asian Hate Crimes

by Dyna Lopez

The rise of harassment, discrimination, and assaults on Asians and Pacific Islanders began shortly after the COVID 19 pandemic started a year ago. There’s been a surge in incidents since February. Some attacks have been fatal. And according to statistics, the trend doesn’t look like it will decline anytime soon.

It started with the divisive language of China Virus.

We all need to be more socially aware of our words. Hateful words are deeply affecting Asian American’s sense of security. 

“I don’t feel safe anymore,” said a Chinese American resident in Austin, Texas. He didn’t want to reveal his identity out of fear of retribution from the community. 

“Why did you hit me!? Why?!” That’s what 75-year-old Xiao Zhen Xie of San Francisco asked her assailant who was handcuffed to a stretcher after she fought him back. She was treated at the hospital and released for minor injuries to her face and eye. Steven Jenkens, 39, faces charges of assault and elder abuse. 

Just 30 minutes prior, Jenkins had assaulted 83-year old Ngoc Pham. He suffered fractures in his nose and neck and was recently released from the hospital. He continues to receive treatment.   

Eight people shot and killed at three businesses in Atlanta were not as fortunate. The gunman, Robert Long, was charged with murder and assault. Most of the victims were Asian. 

Words Matter

Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders attribute the rise to the divisive language of “China Virus” and “Kung Flu” instead of  “Corona Virus” or “COVID 19”.

According to Stop AAPI Hate, a reporting project from Chinese for Affirmative Action and the Asian Pacific Policy & Planning Council, there were more than 3,800 incidents of coronavirus-related discrimination in the U.S. from March 2020 through February 2021.

These are just reported numbers as many AAPI’s do not notify police due to the language barrier and/or fear from the perpetrator. 

58% of Asian Americans received racist comments since the pandemic began according to a recent Pew Research Center study.  

The ramifications are leaving psychological and emotional effects. It’s taking a toll on the AAPI community as they harbor feelings of mistrust, insecurity, and stress..

“When you attach ethnicities or nationalities to disease-related terms, it can have a stigmatizing effect on these communities,” said Yulin Hswen, Professor of Epidemiology at University of California San Francisco, who contributed to the study.   

As families and their children gradually return to the classrooms and re-acclimate with their classmates and parents, how are communities reacting to the news which is becoming all too frequent in the past month?

Are children aware of racism, bias, and stereotypes? 

Would they recognize it?

And if they did, how would they react to it? 

What conversations or words do children say to other children of a different race that may sound insensitive or indifferent? 

Professor Hswen hopes the study will make people aware and think carefully about the words they use to describe any disease.

Applying Emotional Intelligence 

Compassionate social awareness is a key part of emotional intelligence. A friendly greeting to people that we would not ordinarily associate with is a start. It’s as simple as reaching out to someone with whom you don’t normally associate with according to Andrew Yang, a former Democratic Presidential candidate who is running for Mayor of New York City. 

“And you may surprise someone, but that to me is like an immediate step towards seeing each other as human beings and trying to open up our sense of who’s in our community”, said Yang.

That first step can be towards your neighborhood or city. For starters, you or your family can support national and local AAPI owned businesses such as restaurants, grocery stores, etc. Or, volunteer at your national or local AAPI non-profit organization. (See a list of anti-Asian violence resources.)

The most valuable support that you can provide is to speak out against stereotypical, insensitive, or racist behavior and words. Inaction is compliance. It’s a barrier to learn and grow from within. Asian Americans nationwide have been peacefully protesting bringing awareness with Stop the Hate themed support. 

“This kind of hatred and violence has to stop and that we have to start seeing each other as human beings”, said Yang. 

For Xie and Pham, those attacked in San Francisco, they see this wave of racial turmoil as a turning point. They want everyone to redirect the anger and frustration into empowerment.  Now that Asian discrimination is in the spotlight from the Office of President of the United State’s to local AAPA oranizers, they feel the swelling tide against hate and violence is bigger than just them. 

Through awareness they want to harness their pain into results oriented action. Xie and her family are contributing 100% of the more than $950,000 raised from her Go Fund Me goal to local AAPI local support groups. Pham stopped accepting funds when his $25,000 goal was met. He wants contributors to focus their support on fighting for equality.  

Self and social awareness are some of the key tenets of emotional intelligence.  It’s making the decision that you will learn how to behave within yourself. Learn by being mindful of your perceptions and attitudes. Learn how to deal with yourself and others makes for trusting and healthy relationships. 

Boy on headset 1200p

Parenting and TALK

Four months ago as I write this, I was sitting in the back seat of my daughter’s car next to my then 19-month-old granddaughter strapped into her safety seat. Her mother was driving.

“Mama, where are we going?” she called out.

“To one of your favorite parks,” her mother answered, and named the park.

“Oh, I love that. Caya is very excited,” the granddaughter said. Her name is Caya. “Are you excited, Mama?”

“Definitely, I am excited. Especially since I am with you and Bapi,” her mother answered. I am Bapi, which distinguishes me from Papi.  

Today, I called my daughter and Caya, now 23 months, and asked Caya how she was feeling,

“I am feeling very happy,” she said.

At other times when I call, she might answer, “I am feeling upset at the moment,” or “I am feeling sad,” and then briefly explain. One time, she was sad because their puppy had hurt itself.

Preparing for Precociousness

Not two years old yet, she comments on just about everything she encounters, asks questions whenever she doesn’t know about something, can count to 100 and past, and has been able to recite the alphabet almost since she could talk shortly after her first birthday. Her pediatrician estimates she has a 15,000 word vocabulary. You can have a reasonable conversation with her. Most children her age have a 500-word vocabulary.

My main point here isn’t that my granddaughter was born precocious or emotionally aware. It is how she got to this place that has value to parents reading this. She learned her way to where she is because her parents tutored themselves in parenting best practices and brought some of their own natural inclinations for open discussion and sharing to talking to their children. In large part, they talked their daughter, my granddaughter, towards precociousness and emotionally awareness.

Talk to Children: The Science

To understand how that happened, let’s start with some relevant brain science:

The human brain has 500 billion neurons. If all the brain fibers could be put in a line, they would go round the world twice. By the age of four or five a child’s brain is about 85% developed. This powerful  brain absorbs information that the child’s “conscious” part of the brain isn’t aware of, recording everything from words spoken to moods and visuals to patterns of behavior modeled by parents and others.

There is a famous story in medical lore of an adult patient who suffered brain damage in an accident and lost part of his memory. One day after his accident, he sat down at a piano and played a full Mozart concert, even though he had never played a piano or taken a lesson in his life. But he was a Mozart aficionado and had listened to Mozart recordings relentlessly in his life. Some knowledge of Mozart remained in his brain, below the level of conscious knowledge, until the accident helped surface it.

Talking Fills the Brain

So, it matters beyond measure what you feed your child’s brain, especially in these three areas: Information, Context and Emotional Awareness.

Here is what Caya’s parents do that you might consider in your parenting:

  • First, they talk to Caya almost nonstop, sharing information, explaining the outside world and their own movements and intentions at the moment.
  • They use imaginative playtime with Caya to share information and possibilities, such as choices a doll might like to make.
  • They understand that the more words and definitions and possibilities they share, the more will be recorded in their child’s brain and the more neural circuits will be built, helping Caya deal with contingencies as she grows.  

It can sound like this:

  • “What’s Emma’s favorite color?  What Is her favorite thing to do?”
  • “I have a sense Emma likes to play outdoors and her favorite thing at the park is the sandpit. What do you think?”

My daughter does with Caya what I did with my daughter. I was frequently narrating and explaining the outer world to them even in their infant stages–“This is an oak tree. Like other trees, it converts carbon into oxygen” –knowing it was being absorbed. Her mother, my wife, shared freely about the relational world between people and within themselves.

Now, my daughter organically just does the same, even more so than her parents did with her. It makes a difference.

So, talk. A lot. Do not assume it is wasted on a child. It builds information circuits and crucial encouragement for a child’s development and self-expression as it grows.

The EQuip Our Kids! Store has several games and toys that you can use to fuel talking with your child.

Interacting with your kids is sometimes challenging, but here are six reasons you shouldn’t yell at your children.

down-pixabay-2995957_1200p

Mirroring Emotional Intelligence for Your Child

It’s helpful for parents to understand the meaning of mirror neurons and how to use them to the best advantage of your children.

From the web:

“A mirror neuron is a brain neuron that fires both when an animal acts and when the animal observes the same action performed by another. Thus, the neuron “mirrors” the behavior of the other, as though the observer were itself acting. Such neurons have been directly observed in primate species. (from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirror_neuron)

Mirror neurons allow us to learn through imitation. They enable us to reflect body language, facial expressions, and emotions. Mirror neurons play an essential part in our social life. They are key for the child development, as well as relationships and education.” (from https://blog.cognifit.com/mirror-neurons/)

What this means for parents is that whatever you do–how you speak and what you say, your body language and your style–are being implanted in the memory stick of your child’s brain thanks to mirror neurons. There your example remains, for your child to replicate in many ways.

To raise children with the capacity of emotional intelligence is to model best practices for them in your life and particularly in your exchanges with them. 

What is Emotional Intelligence? It is the ability to manage your feelings and behaviors and relationships in a caring, productive and responsive way. 

Here are some basics.

Modeling Self-Awareness and Emotional Transparency (Rather Than Acting Out)

  • Parents are humans who experience frustration and at times irritability.  But instead of acting frustrated and cranky, you can “mirror” for you children coping by taking a few deep breaths and telling your kids that it’s been a long day and you’re a little tense. In this way, you model how to manage frustration in a positive way.  Kids need to learn to name their feelings rather than act them out.
  • We all want to be seen and appreciated. Model it by openly sharing why you love, admire or appreciate your partner – this to your partner in front of the kids. Do the same with your kids every day – note the qualities in them you want to show appreciation for. 
  • Make it a norm to discuss your day and ask your kids about their days at school, to encourage open communication.
  • When your kids act out, empathize and encourage them to talk it out. This teaches your child that her emotions are valid.

Self-Management

  • Patience takes practice. From early childhood, kids gradually learn to manage strong emotions and to wait for gratification. Parents can teach and model patience and poise for kids.
  • Emotions are normal. To be punished for negative ones is experiencing the opposite of a parent who is emotionally intelligent – and you can expect your kids to model that. As much as possible share your feelings conversationally and encourage them to do the same.
  • Emotions run high when we are tired or hungry. When you help your kids understand that they’re extra frustrated because it’s close to bedtime or mealtime, you are helping them understand that their feelings are temporary and this frustration will abate.

Social Awareness

  • Through their childhood, kids do best when they learn to put their experience in perspective. Parents teach and reinforce these lessons in an empathetic way by sharing your own wider and empathetic perspective on events. You can also reinforce lessons by reading stories that reflect these values and through creative play.
  • Throughout the day, talk out recent playdates and other events with your child.
  • The height of social awareness is understanding the point of view of others in a non-judgmental way. So, when you talk about others, seek to explain the forces driving them, including the societal impediments as you understand them such as race or poverty.

Relationship Skills

  • Learning to maintain friendships and to get along with family is vital. Kids learn that building and maintaining relationships takes work at home.
  • Good listening rather than shutting others down is a superb relationship skill to model. The reminder for this is almost biblical: “Seek first to understand and then be understood.” Apply it with kids as well.
  • Every time you mediate a fight with siblings, you are helping kids learn relationship-nurturing skills such as conflict resolution.
  • When you help your kids plan a party with the goal of what would create the most satisfaction and connection for party goers, you are modeling consideration of others.
  • When you contact a friend who is upset, talk your partner through a tough day in front of the kids, or make sure you keep social plans with the kids, you are also modeling good relationship skills.

Decision Making

  • Deciding among a series of good or bad choices is challenging. Kids learn this well – or don’t– from their parents.
  • When you allow your preschoolers to pick from among three outfits or let them pick one toy to bring on an errand, you are providing them an opportunity to practice making a decision.
  • When you are having a hard time deciding what to order at a cafe and verbalize this, you are letting your kids know that decisions can be hard for grown-ups too.

All this can be hard work. Parenting is a tough but important job! Mirror neurons are one way to use biology in your favor. Learn more about the benefits of Emotional Intelligence your child will enjoy because of your hard work.

poster-arm parents square

For Parents: A Toolkit for Introducing EQ Learning to Your Child’s School

Angela Benedetto, Ph.D.

Hello Parent:

Assuming you want to prioritize your child’s optimal development, here is our “depth” guide for addressing the role of your school and making sure it provides the emotional intelligence and social skills that optimize her or his potential to be happy and to soar in school, career and life – and to develop healthy school and lifelong relationships.

dozen eggs pikrepo 1200p

12 Crucial Facts About Emotional Intelligence

  1. Schools that implement comprehensive SEL as basic curriculum see all the good markers go up. These include improvements in engagement in learning, higher test scores (by an average of 11 points or 20%), responsible behaviors, healthy emotional states and quality relationships with others.  Also in: clarity of thinking, good decision making, creativity,  communications skills, empathy, student self-confidence, and teacher and students satisfaction.  Learn more.
  2. These same schools see all negative markers decline, often dramatically. These include violence, bullying, racial and class bias, drug usage, suicides, acting-out behaviors, teacher abuse, screen addiction, low attendance and low graduation and college rates. Learn more.
  3. EQ skills dissolve, in children and adults, their alienation, inability to process anger, emotional suffering, violence and abusiveness – and blocks to learning. 
  4. Nothing in the human toolbox has been proven to uplift children, schools and youth mental health better. When children develop emotional intelligence (EQ) they problem solve and help each other. They reinforce each other’s learning and relate to other people with understanding and empathy. They resolve conflicts and establish and maintain positive relationships and high academic results. And they are much happier.
  5. The earlier children learn EQ skills and mindset the better. Children can start to be taught EQ at home from birth. A study of 4-year old preschool children found that 25 years later their lives in almost every dimension were in considerably better shape than those of a similar control group that lacked EQ training in pre-school. Learn more.
  6. Neuroscience research helps explain and validates a child’s improvements in behavior, performance, brain function and emotional life.  Learn more.
  7. Research reveals EQ is more relevant than IQ to personal success, quality lives, health and happiness – and to positive outcomes for communities and workplaces. See the Harvard Business Review case study (subscription required).
  8. Well into adulthood, EQ-trained students experience significantly lower rates of mental and physical health issues, crime, conflict, hard drug usage, racial biases,  and welfare and poverty than populations that do not experience the training, lowering the cost of government and employer remedial programs. Learn more
  9. Most violence, crime, rape, child sexual and other abuse and human conflict and racism  stems for low EQ. Learn more.
  10. Only 10-15% of pre-K-12  U.S. schools (public, private and charter) implement full-on social-emotional learning curriculum. The reason is that 90% of parents and the public don’t even know SEL exists – hence little to no calls on schools and legislators to prioritize and fund it.
  11. Long-term studies show on net balance that SEL saves $11 to $15 per pupil in remedial costs over the costs of implementing it.  Learn more.
  12. Many employers are already providing adult social and emotional skills training for employees. Lots more employers – it’s becoming a wave now – are putting high EQ at the top of their hiring qualities because higher EQ throughout the workplace demonstrably produces better productivity, more profits and happier workplace with higher retention rates. Learn more.

(Image courtesy of PikRepo)